George Lopez episode
“Love Bites”
Carmen is upset as George, being overly concerned about her developing an attractive woman's body, tries to warn her about how "evil" leering teen boys can be in "Love Bites" (ep.#8).
Season 2, Episode # 8
Number (#12) in series (120 episodes)
Guest stars: Dani Goldman
Sarah Bibb
Bari Hochwald
Jordan Masterson
Network: ABC-TV
Production code: 208
Writer(s): John R. Morey & Allen J. Zipper
Director Gerry Cohen
Original airdate November 20, 2002
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List of George Lopez seasons/episodes

Love Bites was the eighth episode of Season Two of George Lopez, also the 12th overall series episode. Written by John R. Morey and Allen J. Zipper, the episode, which was directed by Gerry Cohen, premiered on ABC-TV on November 20, 2002.

"Love Bites"
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Full Credits Transcripts More Images


George and Angie start to worry that Carmen's going to have sex with a boy after her breasts fill in as she then comes home with a hickey on her neck.


George starts to notice that Carmen is developing a woman's body and decides to warn her about how evil teenage boys can be. When Carmen comes home with a hickey given to her by her boyfriend, Adam, George goes after him. After accidentally meeting a single mother who believes that Max is his son, Ernie decides to use Max to meet single mothers.


Guest Starring


  • Carmen: Dad, relax! It's just a crop top.
  • George: Yeah, well, the crops are growing too fast!

  • George [to Carmen]: That's it! You've lost all privileges except breathing! You're staying at home, full time on a tight leash! You are not to leave this house!
  • Carmen: I have to go to school!
  • George: NOT ANYMORE! WE'RE HOMESCHOOLING YOU NOW! From now on, anything we don't know, you don't know! When did the Korean War start? I don't know and neither do you! What the hell was the reformation? Sorry, out of luck!

  • George: Racial profiling. Let me ask you a question: If you were a cop, who do you stop? The car the runs the red light or the Latino guy chasing the car screaming "I'll kill you!"?
  • Angie: Is that his antenna?
  • George: Yep, if you touch my daughter, you go back to AM, fool!

  • Adam: Hi, I found this book with someone's make-up test in it and it seemed important, so I'm going door-to-door to find out whose it is. Is there a Carmen "Lo-Peez" here?
  • George: Angie, does that moron have a hickey?
  • Angie: Mm-hmm.
  • Carmen: Adam, run!
  • Angie: You better run, Moron!
  • (George chases after Adam)

  • George: (about Carmen) Just yesterday she was my little girl holding on to her teddy bear. Now, there's no room for the teddy bear!

  • Carmen: I'm not going to get a disease, I can control myself.
  • Benny: Yeah, control yourself, try that one with a wine cooler in your gut and Smokey Robinson on the radio.
  • Carmen: Grandma, you're not helping.
  • Benny: Yeah, you're right, what would I know?
  • George: Wait a minute. Tell her, Mom.
  • Benny: Tell her what?
  • George: Tell her about being 17 and pregnant. Tell her how I ruined your life.
  • Benny: Aw, you didn't ruin my life.
  • George: This is no time for jokes!
  • Benny: (to Carmen) Your father didn't ruin my life. I ruined my life. You fall in love with the guy, and you think its gonna last forever you get all caught up in the moment and you forget about what's right and wrong. So you go to bed with him and it's pretty good!
  • George: Mom!
  • Benny: I'm not going to lie...but then he doesn't turn out to be the guy you thought he was and he leaves you. And while all your friends are living it up and having a great time, you're all alone raising a kid, working two jobs, up to your stretch marks in dirty diapers. I gave up all my pretty years (points at George) for this.

  • George: A lot can happen in 5 minutes. Max happened in five minutes!
  • Angie: Four.
  • George: Hey, you know going in, it was gonna be a quickie.

  • George: We tried talking to her, we tried yelling at her, she thinks she found someone special, our job is to guide her through the mysteries of young love. (Later, George shows Carmen images of STD's) This is gonorrhea... and these are genital warts. (Carmen groans) Not so happy you talked me into that color printer now, huh? The red really pops up.

  • George: Angie... where are my genital herpes?
  • Angie: On your lap...
  • George: No, I've just got crabs.

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